you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
