At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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