What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
