why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
