I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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