So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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