Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
