So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
