babies were throwing up all over the place
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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