some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
