i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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