I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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