Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just want to make out with him forever
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
