i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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