He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
