i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
