I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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