he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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