Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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