I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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