wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
