WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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