Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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