I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
