It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
