Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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