I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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