I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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