I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial