Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.