You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
