a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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