is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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