you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
