I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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