dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
