Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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