They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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