All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
