I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
