Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
