She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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