So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
