Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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