I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
