Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
