If i come over, it means nothing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
