I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
