just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
