these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
