I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
