So drunk its hurt
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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