It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
