I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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