I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
