I need help removing her.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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