my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
