Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
