Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
