I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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