U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
