If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
