FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
