Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
