I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
