Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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